Discources

A day marked by momentum,

A desire, a hunger,

Of the things that don’t exist.

White wash on empty walls

Paint, grease, paper

Only gardens, no people.

Filter coffee brewing

Girls talk away

The sun sinks unobtrusively.

Black ink

And the Concordia discordia around

The table is a treasure house of knick-knacks.

Empty unwashed glasses

The mood’s turbulent

Is there some elixir?

Playing king and queen

No one intrudes

No one observes their play.

Learning the gears and brakes

Wanting to fly.

Subjects and scrutinizers

Accolades to the smooth-talker.

And this, an unfinished exercise.

-sushmita kashyap (28.03.08/ 16.05hrs)

living, travelling, dreaming.

This is an old post, probally written a month back. I was in Kohima these last few days covering an event. Just got back. Need to write something so will chit chat sometime when it's done. Meanwhile here eet ess.

This last month(May-June 2008, actually) has been a whirlwind of a travel but it has been work and whole lot of fun too. As you probally know, I am treading the freelancer path from May onwards. There is a heady feeling about working at my space and time but yeah discipline is important, and i can hardly say that I am a disciplined person. Assignments and projects are coming in but having no access to mails this month, I have a backlog of work which is probally too late now to wrap up. Andthe heat's maddening these last 3 days here and I havent been feeling too well.

Anyways, this film shoot I had gone to took us all over Northeast.First thru Nagaland, Manipur to Moreh right next to the Burma border.By far the highlight of the whole trip. Moreh is like mini-India, ppl from all over. The Tamils are supposed to be the original settlers and traders (they came from Burma when non Burmese people were asked to evict in 1963-64) though this claim is debated and the Kukis and Nagas also lay an allegiance to the land. Supposedly, some of the mostdangerous underground outfits inhabit the hills around Moreh and theKuki-Naga clashes happen periodically.

But the most colorful images are those of the Namphalong market on theBurmese side. Man, the stuff is real cheap (though i could hardly shop, what with running about with a still camera and other equipmentsand radio recorders etc..and the heat is of a killer oven kind really)and you get everything from crockery to electronic items, to tiger beer at darn cheap rates to watermelons, etc. We did pass over to Tamu and Nassif (the director and a dear friend) and Kazu (the host of the travel docu and my housemate) posed alternately as a driver and a press photographer and accompanied the Chambers of Commerce guys tothe other side as part of a aid relief programe for Nargis cyclone victims. I strolled about Tamu town (had to leave cell fones and IDcards at entry gate) wearing a big circular cane hat with imprinted flowers, sipping mineral water, looking the proverbial tourist. We had 2 friends from Manipur who accompanied us so they helped on the communication part. There are many Burmese Nepalis in Tamu and was warm chatting with them. The town has a pretty face, with clean tiledroads and cute wooden houses. and the women are pretty charming too;)

Agartala-Bangladesh was allright though I just couldnt like Agartala much. And the trip to Bodoland was good fun too. Gelephu in Bhutan has a very provincial look to it but it is a very disciplined lil town andthe people are really hospitable. The proprietor of the restaurant we lunched at (we hogged on beef momos, pork chilly, rice etc) gifted each of the film unit a miniature bottle of alcohol with a Made in Bhutan stamp as a souvenir. Muchos gracias, i say;p

And Kohima was an exprience, as always. A visit to the warrior village of Khonoma on a rainy day made the trip complete. Just that my brew got spoilt! More about that laters.

Till than, adios and warmth!
Sukaphismo-sushimo;)

Identities

Lines,

drawn everywhere

on this map.

And every other.

Lines,

become entities

and identities.

i cease to exist.

Lines,

become fate

and religions;

The trees and rivers

are not free.

The margins,

the marks,

the signs on the doorpost,

those uniforms, those bamboo toy rifles

and filling personal information on a form.

Captivated, suffocated,

smothered by ourselves.

-sushmita kashyap (20.34 hrs. 25march 08) Identities

The concept of borders, the spaces and times involved in building one, have always enigmated philosophers and sociologists at large. In our post colonial set up, the invisible lines on the margins of land has more than ever taunted us-urged us to realize ourselves as peoples and races and civilizations. But words like “ethnic” and “tribal”, that the world at large uses to define indigenous populations and civilizations reveal so little and yet camouflage such wide worlds.

(The species has been harsh on one another- too many excesses, the ants would say. Community building, that word’s such a joke; in our more civilized (/less barbaric) and comfortable-technology generations. The ants can teach us some community building, that reminds me!)

The idea of a country, regardless of its size, without the compulsions of the harsh intrusions of development, is so liberating. So utopian also. Than maybe we will understand ethnicity and people-their lives, their desires, their habits and their workings, their gods, cultures and loyalties.

-sushmita kashyap. 25march 08

Gift

There is a veil

And you will not humor me

The suspense is

Like a zillion seconds

Ticking in my head

Crowding my sensibilities.

There is pain, remorse and desire

For a million different worlds

For the clouds to embrace me

And make me part of them.

These mementoes, souvenirs

What purpose do they serve?

The nature of this longing

Is sinister.

The mist that forms shapes

Outside

Show me vague structures

I cannot fathom them

But I finger the water

The cold breath of a winter

That took too long in coming.

The veil still pervades my understanding

And curious unbelongingness

The triviality of the occasion

Stings and nags the receiver.

Open-ended are these conversations

Without meaning or substance.

Why cant you hold the sand

So tight so tight

That I might suffocate in it

That I might drown myself

In the acute nature of this gift.

So that I’m here no more

And than you will cease to exist

All dimensions will take all shapes

Mists, veils and acronyms on paper.

6.21pm. 9.1.08

a mail i probally sent most of you

ps- I know I know we all so hate mass mailers but please bear with me (that's the n-th time im saying this yeah?:p). Im calculating calculating-time, pace, space. I promise to mail moe personalised mails once m done (for now, the personal can wait)

Hi folks,

Howss it going? Me been hopping around the whole place these last few weeks. last 3 months have been an overload of things and needed to get away for a while. So Deli-Pushkar-Deli and than Manesar, Gurgaon for a Strategy meet to start off the first official liberal youth forum of India. those 3 days of brainstorming and agreeing and disagreeing were grueling but finally we came up with a concrete plan and also a drafting committee to form a definitive charter. once that's done (should be over in 3 months time), I will post u a note if anyone is interested in being part of the network.
As of now, here's just a link you folks can que into. http://www.asianborderlands.net
From January 16-19 2008, there will be an international conference in
Guwahati (And spread over some other states too) titled: Northeast
India and its transnational neighbours. essentially we will be
focussing on borders and the networks that exist around such areas-
issues like conflict, livelihood, policies wrt this area will be
deliberated upon by scholars from all over- Oxford, uNIV OF aMSTERDAM,
IIT, etc. Panos is collaborating for the non-academic event and right
now im just going bersek organisng and collating documentaries,
theatre groups, artists etc.

And yes, there's Guwahati FOF (Well, im co-ordinating the Liberal youth forum in Northeast but lets take it slow, step by step is the motto here) too. and all the ideas playing in my
brain-endless phone conversations with kripal (another coi-ordinator)as to how to go about it
(mr. ranjan has done the houdini on us but he;s super energetic when
it comes to the real work). I have been finding out about other youth
groups in the region and areas we can work on.
Will send you guys a structured mail once am thru with this backlog.
I might be offline from 27Dec-1st Jan so i did really appreciate if
someone smses me or something if any imp mails are exchanged.

hAVE a terrific year ahead. and though Modi has won (shucks i wanted to avoid being political here but what are we if not the sum of our existences and consciousness) lets not stop dissenting just because the votebank says we r a minority!

Cheers till next time than,

Sush

Thanks to Democracy and Barbarity!!

Though i have not much regard for vicarious communication mediums like chats and emails, i think they are a fascinating place to be. Today my Gtalk message was: first, "the contours of the chasm between Assamese subnationalism and pan-Indianism." second, a little more subversive and callous probally, "the whole concept of India is a big joke, a shameful failure". But im angry, have been angry and agitated since the Dispur incident on Saturday. I have to write something about it to let out that anger. But for the moment, this is what a right wing friend mailed on redaing my Gtalk status message.

I read ur anti-india status msg and i think it was really shameful on ur part

today u want assam to be 'freed' from India but does assam really desrve it....

\http://www.ibnlive.com/news/guwahati-residents-strip-beat-up-adivasi-women/53043-3.html

and whr will that end tommow u may ask guwahati to be a free state and then someone would come around

and say that pan bazar shud be an independent country

I wrote back just now in a rush, while shuttling between the edit table (am working on a documentary on migration and labour equations in Central Asia after the break up on the USSR) and my comp. I know what i will paste here might sound rash and hurried but whatever it is, it is definitely not fabricated.

hi u,

well, im not ashamed of how i feel and what i say though i might not be licensed to say that. and talking about all the stuff from mainland India is all fine and you dont really have to send me an IBN live url to check what is going on in Assam. i have been and will be actively a part of the developments of the shameful horrendous mob riot that took place near Dispur (the administrative capital of Assam) in broad daylight. Im ashamed as an Assamese and very agitated. A curfew was announced in many areas following the riot. But that same eve at 7.30 pm we called a meeting, Assamese civil society representatives if u please (though i still feel that a couple of NGOs, intellectuals and indigenous groups donot represent any civil society unless the people proactively take a step) and passed a resolution around 9. 30pm./ we have seen how the national and local media have portrayed the whole incident giving it hues and images of various orders, and instead of controlling the situation, giving fire to this delicate symbiotic relationship between the tea garden workers and the other people. and yes what happened that day was essentially a class thing. what the local residents did was try to suppress an identity that is as much part of Assam as anything else. and now the Jharkhand govt is trying to gain political mileage outta it. So there, am not throwing dirt at India (anti India msg u said). i hold myself responsible for the sorry state of our nation as well as my fellow citizens. and like i said, you donot know the politics of the Northeast. anyways, the Centre is busy trying to convince everyone that we r a homogenous species. and man, we r amazingly heterogenous. so the idea of a nation state is something that needs to be studied and critiqued. a federation mite b an alternative. i am not too sure. m not talking of independence without the shite that goes along with it. but i am saying, it's time we started discussing alternatives!

I hope you understand me a lil better now.

and i will probably write something on the incident coz only than this anger will subside, this helpless feeling swelling inside me. i heard that phrase twice the other day from eye witnesses "ppl killed each other like cats and dogs". wow. all for violence are we?! there's Modi in Gujarat savagely eliminating an entire breed of people, there's bomb blasts in UP coz nobody cares, Nazification of this country had long begun. the crevices are just starting to get wider.

Take care and think about it.

Fate-igued!

These last three months or so have been a whirlwind of insane activity, people, work, travel and herbs that elevate the less mundane waking hours. This last one week I decided to grace my shack with my solitude and OCD. There has been conflict. And very many contradictions. Lately, I have felt pulled to the very last vestiges of my "sheer energy" by folks and peers. I maintain it all very well, most of the time. But sometimes a voice inside talks to me (am i schizo?) and tells me to go away, far far away. And take it from there. Tiredness is a state of mind, I presume, if you dont add the physical drudgery and the constant swirling white noise in the brain. But than I get emotionally haggard at times and than familiarity has this twisted way of revealing new things, trying to precede what lies in the vague future. Astrologers and tarot card readers act a savvy catalyst to all wanting to hear and evade the impediments set by Fate (harrowed fate that!). And we become mere puppets in this orgasmic understanding of divinity's ways! haha
Man, if i start on those lines now, i can possibly go on for an hour, applying logic and common sense to wallet-pinching astronomically priced gem stones.

I am half mad, so they say. Now, who are these "they"? I probally dont even know how they look like or what their last names are. But am i irreverant to speak thus, about divinity's camouflaged way! (Hats off to Divinity and the sundry rituals that go along with the whol brouhaha).

AS for me, I guess surviving is an art i have learnt the hard way but learnt it proper. And if my fate decides to play spoilsport, i will play along and probally let all things take their own time to reveal their worth to me.

There is conflict, contradiction but there is also endurance and beauty!

So long than.